Bring in da Funk: 2008 Ford Expedition Funkmaster Flex Edition

No need to adjust your television set, the information you are about to see is correct and has been altered in no way from its original recording.  Back in 2008, the Ford Motor Company created a vehicle in collaboration with Aston George Taylor Jr -- who is professionally known as DJ Funkmaster Flex.  According to wikipedia, Funkmaster (as his friends call him) is a disc jockey, rapper, record producer, actor and host of an FM radio station out of New York City, but got his start making "mixtapes"...which isn't the same thing as the bootleg recordings you put on cassette back in the 1990s in your Jetta, but is a form of music where you mix and re-play other people's music into something that you sell and then make money. I've got to be honest, I'm totally lost here and I'm not sure what this is or how a disc jockey could be "certified gold" by the RIAA...but I digress.  Anyway, find this (one of 650 produced) 2008 Ford Expedition Funkmaster Flex Edition offered for $12995 in Mobile, AL via craigslist.  Tip from Wesley.

Zero to Hospital in 2.7 Secs: 1989 Acura Death Kart

What did that dude in the Fast and Furious say? I live my life one quarter of a mile at a time. 10 seconds later, I crash and then I'm free. At least that is what he would have said if this had been his whip. Find this 1989 Acura Death Kart offered for $2,000 near Anchorage, AK.  Tip from Zach Z.

Repli-can't: 1972 Fiat 124 Spyder Custom

Vintage Fiat roadsters are common enough that their appearance on the streets or in the classifieds rarely raises an eyebrow. If you want your Fiat 124 to stand out, you will have to go to drastic measures. Here is one way of doing just that.  Find this 1972 Fiat 124 Spyder custom for sale in Villa Ridge, MO for $5,000 via craigslist.

Catdog Car: 1991 & 1992 Conjoined Buick Regals

I know what you are thinking. Who wants to read a feature about a crummy 1996 Oldsmobile Aurora? Look closer, however, and you will find that this is actually two crummy Buick Regals that have been sawed in half and welded together.  The question is, what would you do with it? Find this 1991 & 1992 Conjoined Regal(s) for $3,500 via craigslist.

2k: Rumble Bee: 1993 Ford Festiva Custom

Welcome back to Garage Creations on Discovery, we are here today in the Northern part of Michigan's lower peninsula, an area home to a number of fascinating indigenous species.  We are going to witness another one of life's miracles, in that special time when the frost has cleared from a long winter and the native gear head emerges from the hibernation in welding gas fumigated garages.  Today, a young pup takes his first walk on shaky new legs -- let's watch.  Find this 1993 Ford Fiesta Festiva Custom here on eBay currently bidding for $900 reserve-not-met with a $2,800 buy-it-now located in Petosky, MI (home of everyone's favorite real life crime fighter, the Petosky Batman!!).

3k: BikeTruck: 1990 Daihatsu HiJet, GSX600r-powered

The Daihatsu HiJet is a truck of many virtues. It's mostly at home hauling small loads around small obstacles while consuming small amounts of fuel. They're cheap. They're illegal on highways in most states, which is a moot point given their low top speeds. Now, a methed-out MacGyver has spliced the rear half of a "Gixxer" with a HiJet, at the expense of a few of those virtues (payload and 4WD) while adding a new one: 100 mph and beyond. Find this Half 1990 Daihatsu HiJet, half 1994 Suzuki GSX600r for sale in St. Cloud, MN for $2,500 via craigslist.

1k: Forgotten By Not Forgiven: 1982 Pontiac Phoenix

 The Phoenix was the predecessor to Pontiac's popular reboot Grand Am that sat on a compact family car chassis.  The Phoenix was first available on the rear-drive Nova platform (1977-1979) and later switched to the front drive Chevy Citation X-Body platform shared with the Buick Skylark & Oldsmobile Omega.  Find this 1982 Pontiac Phoenix offered for $750 in San Rafael, CA via craigslist.  Tip from Kaibeezy.

1k: Worlds Ugliest: 1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass Aeroback Salon

The 4-door coupe is a crowded segment on the road these days, I can't drive more than a few miles in sunny SoCal without seeing a new Audi A7, Mercedes CLS, BMW 6-series, or a Porsche Panamera driven by some lady with freshly bleached hair.  Zee Germans might be having all the lately, but it was in American that a luxury brand launched the concept of a luxurious sedan with a fastback roof shape -- way back in 1978 with the introduction of the Oldsmobile Cutlass Aeroback Salon (not saloon like the British world for sedan, but salon like the place women pay to get their hair ruined). Find this 1978 Oldsmobile Cutlas Aeroback Salon offered for $1,000 in Ojai, CA via craigslist. Tip from Sean S.

10k: V For Verbose: 1949 Buick Super Woody Wagon Could Be Redone As A Gorgeous 1949 Cadillac, Oldsmobile 98 or Buick Roadmaster

This morning, DT's resident Buick lover, Hunsbloger, sent me a message.  It was short.  Something was wrong. Hunsbloger is never short.  Hunsbloger is so wordy, he can't send text messages, let alone tweets. His family Christmas cards unroll onto the ground like Santa's list. I always wear adult diapers when we go to car shows together where there might be a Buick present because he is gonna rattle off worthless interesting facts until Pontiac is brought back from the dead.  Not the brand, but the frozen head of Albert Hamilton Pontiac the 3rd is resuscitated by some unknown futuristic technology.  Not today.  Today the message was "Something wrong.  No words." The DT brain trust initiated Emergency Protocol Number 7 and started scouring the internet for clues to Hunsbloger's sudden onset of mute-ism. And then it came.  Words flowed like a dam had ruptured at the headwaters of the river Styx and we were powerless against the onslaught.  Knowing there was only one way to fix our fallen comrade, I forwarded the link for this 1949 Buick Super Woody Wagon Could Be Redone As A Gorgeous 1949 Cadillac, Oldsmobile 98 or Buick Roadmaster currently bidding for $8,400 reserve-not-met with 5 days to go. And then the reply:  "He has sucked all of the words out of the universe.  I'm depleted, I need to rest, to store up.  Its like a wizard who has performed too many spells in one day, and I need a booster."  Hunsbloger was back, but will he ever be the same?

2k: New Year's Project: 1969 Lotus Europa

If this next feature was a short-wheel-base 911 or a BMW 2002 Tii, the price would be easily an order of magnitude higher.  It is a dirt cheap price for a project and a mid-engined classic from one of Europe's premier super car builders. What a perfect way to kick off the New Year!  Find this 1968 Lotus Europa project offered here on craigslist for $2,500 in Harmony, PA. Tip from Hugh.

10k: Break The Internet: 1967 Jaguar E-Type Custom

Ever see a person on the street covered head-to-toe with ink and wonder how it all started?  Just one little tattoo to mark a right of passage or something they did while drunk.  A few more tattoos later and suddenly that arm won't look good unless the entire thing is a full sleeve tat and then you may as well finish those angel wings on your back....  This, too, is how car customization happens.  It starts with something harmless like a pine tree air freshener and soon enough your Jaguar E-Type  is powered by a big block Ford NASCAR engine and has a more customized rear than Kim Kardashian.  Like this 1967 Jaguar E-Type Custom currently bidding here on eBay for $13,600 reserve-not-met with 3 days to go.  Tip from Ignacio.

10k: Truth In Advertising: 1974 Alfa Romeo GTV

"You ARE buying a car that was crap when it was new, further degraded by the previous owner and then finally had the last nail driven into its coffin by me. I consider this car a piece of JUNK. Buy this car and you too can continue the mistake I made. Priced very low with no reserve."  These are the words from the seller of today's next feature and the epitome of truth in advertising taken a bridge too far.  Find this 1974 Alfa Romeo GTV currently bidding for $7,600 with 3 days to go on ebay, located in Wisconsin.  Tip from Gianni.

15k: Buy In Bulk: Porsche 912, VW Bug, BMW 2002, Merc SL -- Lottery?

 An interesting advertisement appeared on SF Bay Area craigslist yesterday for a lot of 8 classic automobiles.  The full list is:  1969 Porsche 912, 1968 Porsche 912 targa, 1967 912 targa, 1963 Mercedes-Benz 230 SL W113, 1973 BMW 2002 , 1961 VW Type 1, 1962 VW Type 1, 1963 VW Type 1 and the seller is asking $120,000 for the entire lot.  Kaibeezy found the link and delivered it with a brilliant concept:  he should take $15,000 from 8 people and distribute the cars randomly! i'd aaaaalmost do it.  Find it here on craigslist.

15k: Mako Smurf: 1968 Chevrolet Corvette

Ah, the C3 Vette.  Loved by 80s enthusiasts around the world and known for its mako-shark looks, the C3 generation Corvette (1968-1982) splits the styling gap between the timeless C2 and bland C4. From a price perspective a used C3 was a bargain by the late '80s and many went under the customizer's knife...or hatchet.  Of course, criticizing those customs is un-American and will land you in re-education camp.  Find this 1968 Chevrolet Corvette custom currently bidding on ebay for $13,000 reserve-not-met with 7 days to go, located in Clifton, NJ.

1k: 21 Window Miniature: 1963 Volkswagen Bus Scooter

The current craze of everything relating to the Volkswagen Type 2 Bus has been entertaining to watch to say the least.  All but abandoned for scrap a few years ago and inhabited by penniless surfers, the Bus made an epic comeback of a proportion not matched except by this month's resurgence of the Cold War.  Prices for 21 and 23-window Sambas (sounds like a dance you do at a South American state funeral - e.g. "Col. Avarez was honored with the traditional 21 window Samba salute, it took hours to clean up all the glass") have scooted out of the reach of those without proper funds.  Today, we've got the Walmart version of the VW Bus, in more ways than one.  Find this 1963 Volkswagen Bus Scooter for sale in Upland, CA for $2,750 via craigslist.