A What What What? 1972 Cadillac Pirate Surf Mobile

People say I ask too many unanswerable questions.  Like, why does the sun set in the East if you are on the moon?  What really happens to a sea gull when it eats an Alka-Seltzer? Will Michael Moore have a spontaneous pulmonary embolism when Trump is sworn in as President? Is the wall Trump wants to build meant to protect the USA from Mexico, or shield Mexico from the USA? If I wanted to be a pirate surfer, what kind of custom 60s rod would I build?  Wait.  Somebody answered that last one.  Find this 1972 Cadillac Pirate Surf Mobile offered for $12,000 near Phoenix, AZ via craigslist. Tip from FuelTruck.

Arrr-Class Fleet Sale: 1990s/2000s Pirate Art Cars

The guys at RM Sotheby's Auctions think they have the best lineup of classic cars for sale -- and the collection of Jim Click's Ford racing cars offered in Monterey on 19-20 August 2016 does look nothing short of extraordinary...but I'm gonna have to say that they don't have nearly enough home built rigging, custom sails, or swashbuckling potential...so I'll save my money and pick up this next set of custom things.  Find this collection of 1990s/2000s era cars turned into pirate ships offered for $2-$5k each or in a package deal located in Hollywood, CA (where else?) via craigslist.

15k: Pirate Powered: 1969 Mercury Marauder X-100 429ci V8

The Mercury Marauder comes from an era when buyers wanted performance from their full sized body-on-frame luxury cars..and that performance didn't come from turbochargers or electronic gizmos - it came from displacement.  Those big block engines pulverized fuel economy and turned the air black but will put a smile on your face from ear to ear.  Find this 1969 Mercury Marauder X-100 429ci V8 for sale in Phoenix, AZ for $16,500 via craigslist.

10k: The Count of Monte Crisco: 1972 Chevrolet Monte Carlo

The Count of Monte Cristo is an epic novel by Alexandre Dumas that chronicles the life of Edmond Dantès, a young man wrongly imprisoned, who disguises himself as the title character and enacts a stunningly complex revenge on those who had him locked up.  It is long and complicated novel that requires complex flowcharts to understand who is who and is considered a classic piece of literature.  Crisco is a oil based shortening marketed by J. M. Smucker Co, used by Southerners to make pie crusts, cookies, sculptures and to slather on toast.  Combine them and you get a Chevy Monte Carlo; a big luxury coupe with a French name, but pure 'Merican crust on the underside.  Find this 1972 Chevrolet Monte Carlo for $11,000 located in Point Loma, CA via craigslist.  To the peanut gallery in the comments sharpening pitchforks: I know that Edmond Dantès wasn't a pirate, but damned if it's hard to find a good excuse to use the Pirate Powered badge...so....today just for fun, we'll pretend he was a pirate, no arrrrguments please.

Trades Only Monster TruckAm; 1970ish Pontiac Firebird TransAm

The second generation Pontiac Firebird TransAm was built from 1970 to 1981.  It was an evolution of the classic muscle car and featured a lineup of front mounted V8s, a sporty 2+2 body and rear wheel drive...at least until someone raises it 6 feet and mounts it on tractor tires.  This undisclosed model year Pontiac Firebird TransAm monster truck is offered along with a supercharger (currently attached to another vehicle) in exchange for a 1st or 2nd gen Camaro in Denver, CO via craigslist.

10k: 1986 Chevy Caprice w/LS1 Swap; Pirate Powered

If one feature Chevy LS-V8 swapped ride is good, two is even better.  The Caprice was a full sized sedan from Chevy, the four-doors sold in large numbers to fleet use but the two doors have become an urban gangster favorite.  This 1986 Chevy Caprice with LS1 Swap is called the Black Pearl and is for sale in Long Beach, CA for $9500 via craigslist.